Japan's Trauma
by ZamarahNoctalgia
Summary: Japan gave his all in WW2. After years of massacres in his Islands he has reached his limit, the turning point being 'Little Boy'. Rated M to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Well here's my new fic about Japan! I was actually planning on doing a** very **long oneshot, but I decided to make it a multi-chapter story since it was already divided.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, if I did I wouldn't be writing fanfiction. I only own the japanese characters who are not Japan himself.

On with the story!

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**Chapter 1**

**In the mountains of Muroto**

**Yamada Misaki**

**Campsite, Shikoku, Northeast of Muroto, frontier with Tokushima.**

**August 6****th****, 1945, 2:15 am.**

**Six hours before Little Boy.**

We are in the middle of the mountains in a little campsite established at the entrance of a cave. We have food, shelter, medicines and ammo. Everything you need to survive when you are hiding and a war is taking place just around the corner. We are all deathly soldiers who specialize in one area and know how to take care of ourselves. We are among the best of what we do and when we work on a team, we are invincible. My comrades were assigned to **guard** _Honda Kiku_, a high ranked general who intervenes in most of the military decisions since the beginning of the war, while I was assigned in 1935 to **protect **_Kiku Honda_, the personification and soul of Japan. It's been ten years since I first met him, ten years of working and, most importantly, **being **with him. The first year was to accept his existence, the second to memorize his preferences in everything, the third to learn about him and the rest to understand him. All this time I've been protecting him and wanting nothing more than his well-being, but ever since the war started, I've watched him grow weaker and weaker, knowing I could do nothing to stop the progress. I wish the war would end for his sake, and I'm not saying this only because of my job, but also because wishing for his sake, is wishing for all Japanese people sake.

"...mada-san, Yamada-san!" my train of thought was interrupted by a voice coming from behind me. I turn towards the origin of the voice and find one of my comrades: Nakamura Hideo, a man who surpasses the average Japanese height by far, his body is nicely built and his factions are a bit crude.

"Yamada-san, you've been acting weird lately, what's bothering you?" he says walking up to me, his voice filled with concern.

"It's nothing" I answer knowing that my comrade won't believe me, but also not wanting to start a conversation that will end up annoying me.

"Liar. You seem troubled, why?" he stares fiercely at me, demanding a satisfying answer that I am not willing to give. He is one of my few friends in this war, but still, I cannot tell him about Japan, it is forbidden.

"Troubled? Why wouldn't I be troubled? There is a fucking war going on! I'm just as troubled as anyone else is" with this, I turn my head to him and find myself stuck in his gaze, wondering if he really cares. He is obviously taller and stronger than me and officially he is my superior because I don't really hold a rank in the military, I'm commonly known as Honda-donno's assistant, but anyway, he has always treated me as an equal and respects me.

"I'm no fool; I can tell that your problem is a lot more personal and if you are not willing to tell me then at least get some sleep" he puts his hand in my shoulder and squeezes it lightly, trying to reassure me, or so I think.

"I'm not tired at all; you are the one who should return to sleep. What are you doing here anyway?" I ask, beginning to get annoyed and stepping away from him, causing his hand to fall off my shoulder.

"I was checking on you. You have been on watch since midnight" he is still glaring at me with the same force. I'm starting to wonder if I have monkeys in my eyes. "You really should get some rest".

"Thank you for your concern, but I am fine" I reply dryly, making sure he gets that I don't want to be bother.

I hear him sigh heavily. Without a word, he walks to a nearby rock and sits. He takes out a cigar and light's it without offering me one. Nakamura inhales deeply and then lets the smoke out of his mouth; his shoulders relax and then he returns to stare at me. An awkward silence falls upon us and we gaze at each other for a few seconds before he speaks again.

"Your shift was over a while ago, plus, some generals are coming tomorrow at 0630 to speak with Honda-donno and since you are his assistant, you should be in good shape" he looks away from me and takes another drag of his cigar.

"You should have said that sooner. Wake me up at 0600" I know this is important and I am totally getting some rest if the generals are coming. Also, I'm relieved to have an excuse for getting away of my comrade, since he won't go away. I start to walk back to the cave where we all sleep but stop when I hear my name being called.

"Yamanda-san, you only listen to commands. You should also listen to feelings" I don't even bother to look back and I just keep on walking, trying to ignore my comrade comment. He could never understand the situation I'm in. When you look at your country like an object and you see how the war is affecting, you feel sad and angry, but you never truly understand it. But me... I see how the war affects Kiku Honda as Japan himself and it's mentally scarring witnessing the suffering and the actions that are taken and for once in the life, understanding what they really mean.

With that in mind, I crawl under my sheet and curl against the cold rock of the cavern, hiding myself in the darkness and shutting myself from the world for protection.


	2. Chapter 2

Soooo, here's the new chapter! I'm surprised and happy that somebody **did** read the first one, but anyway...

The first half of this story will alternate between the Japanese point of view and the American, I hope it's not confusing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia at all, nor do I own William Sterling Parsons or any other character who was real.

PD-If anyone knows how the real people portrayed in this chapter behaved or think about the bomb, please feel free to tell me.

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**Chapter 2**

**Above the Pacific**

**William Sterling Parsons**

**Enola Gay**

**August 6****th****, 1945, 4:45 am.**

**Three and a half hours before Little Boy.**

We've been flying over the pacific for about 2 hours and a half. Our destiny is Hiroshima, Japan, a city which is a communication center, a place for Jap troops to gather and it holds little military and industrial potential. It is not **that** important for the war and we don't really gain anything by destroying it. Oh no, the thing is, we don't want to earn anything especial from this, we are just sending a warning to the Japs. We have already lost a lot of good men to them. They have made our lives a living hell. When our soldiers first set off to face them in Guadalcanal, they weren't ready to what was coming for them. But Guadalcanal was just the beginning. Our soldiers have been killed, hanged and mutilated by the Japs. The ones who have survived until now are mentally distorted. They have questioned their ideals and morals, which only lead them to question their own country, wondering if what they had done was right. Some of them are only waiting for death, and others are so lost that they may as well be dead. All of this and more is the goddamn Japs fault. But we won't let those fuckers continue with this. We are better than them and with this bomb we'll prove it. I was assigned to piece together "Little Boy" on the way to Hiroshima for security measures. I've been working with this baby for what it seems like a lifetime, I hope the Japs get the idea.

"Ahhhhhh... I'm fucking bored!" the voice the pilot of the Enola Gay, Paul Warfield Tibbets, Jr**.,** rang in my ears, making me interrupt my arduous work. I turn to him and stare into his helmet. "I want a cola! No, scratch that. I'll freeze my godly balls here!" he complains dramatically, as if the world was going to end. Sometimes he can be annoying, but it's something I have to cope with.

"Yeah, I know. Well, at least you are only piloting. I have to assemble this bomb without making it explode inside the plane!" I answer returning to my work.

"HAHA, that's true. Hey, take care of that baby, it'll win us the war" he replies slightly turning his head to me and smiling widely.

"It's damn difficult and I feel like I'm going to freeze to death! When we return, they better give me the Medal of Honor" I return the smile to him and continue working.

"Damn right! They better give me one too!" he turns his head back and laughs loudly. Then, there's a sudden silence. I glance at him, wondering if something has happen. I find him checking the stats of the plane and our position, for the millionth time.

"Why would they give **you **the Medal of Honor?" I ask chuckling slightly, trying to get him to talk again. I don't want this little chit-chat to end just jet, after all, I'm also kind of bored.

"Well, I'm taking the bomb. That's reason enough" he says while continuing to check on the plane. I roll my eyes at the comment and decide not to play on his ego more, no matter how bored I may be. Also, he is the pilot after all. It's better if he doesn't get distracted too much.

"Do you think I could be pals with the really important guy who saw us off?" Paul asks once he is finished checking god knows what stuff.

"There were a lot of really important guys when we set off" I reply without looking at him.

"I know that, but the one I'm talking about is Alfred F. Jones. He is said to be the General who is behind this whole operation."

"Well, you are a Colonel and you were given the very important mission of transporting the bomb, so... I don't see why not" I stare a few moments at "Little boy" while I review mentally the instructions on how to assemble the bomb. "Why are you interested in befriending this Jones guy?" curiosity reflecting in my voice.

"People say that guy is worth ten Medals of Honor. That he has done incredible things. I've even heard the high ranked generals saying he's the best" his voice is filled with excitement and admiration and I'm also dumbstruck by the things he has just said. I mean, a soldier can only be given one Medal of Honor because it's the greatest recognition that one can be given because of his military service. If even the generals think he is the best among the best, then he must the super soldier everyone has been waiting for.

"That's impossible, you idiot. You have to do what you would do in a lifetime in about just one battle to be worth a Medal of Honor. Being worth of more is impossible" I wanted to sound dry and serious, but I think my voice came out a little weak. I accept, that this gut may be awesome, but there is no way to be **that** good... right?


	3. Chapter 3

New chappy! °3° I'm soo happy that somebody is reading this! This chapter is longer than the previous and has been rewritten countless of times.

Hope you like it!

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**Chapter 3**

**General Honda Kiku**

**Yamada Misaki**

**Campsite, Shikoku, Northeast of Muroto, frontier with Tokushima.**

**August 6****th****, 1945, 6:00 am.**

**Two hours and fifteen minutes before Little Boy.**

I am wake up by my friend Nakamura, as I instructed him a few hours ago. I thank him and dismiss him, getting ready to start this new day. By this hour, everyone else is already awake and doing their duties. We know we have to stay alert, especially of the American bombers that may come this way, since they might discover our little camp and if we are lucky and do not get caught, we can at least communicate with the generals and warn them of the bombers. Anyway, I make my way to the back of the cave, where Japan is probably still sleeping. I don't usually call him Japan because he prefers being called by his human name and also because it will be strange for my comrades if I did, but calling him Japan serves me as a reminder of who he really is. I find him lying against the wall of hard rock of the cave, curling in his blanket and shivering lightly. I walk up to him and kneel beside him. I stare at his face which has a tense expression; I'm assuming it's because of the cold, but I am not entirely sure. Without really thinking it, I ghost my fingers across his forehead. His skin is soft cold against my fingers and as I scan him, I notice he is a bit paler than usual. With all that has happen with the war, I can only hope he hasn't caught any human disease like malaria or just a cold. Well, I guess it's time to wake him up.

"Hona-donno, it's time to wake up" I say as gentle as I can, shaking him slightly. He growls and rolls to his side. I guess I'll try a different strategy. "Honda-donno, we need you to be awake. Something important is happening today" now my voice it's on its usual volume and I'm being a bit more rude than before. Seconds after, his eyes open and he rolls onto his back. He sits and stokes his hair while yawning. I stand up and look at him with expectation; of what? I don't know. Maybe I'm just hoping he would look at me with those gentle eyes he used to have.

"Ohayou Honda-donno" I offer him my best smile as well as my hand so he can stand up. He takes my hand and pulls himself up with some of my help, but not even bothering to answer my greeting. In the process he mumbles some curses and holds his stomach as if he were just stabbed. "Do you want some fresh air?" I ask beginning to walk towards the entrance of the cave, Honda-donno following close behind.

"Are you telling me what's happening today? Or do I have to wait for the fresh air to speak?" Honda-donno catches up to me and smirks teasingly, making me understand that he was actually commanding me to tell him what was happening.

"You have to eat something before we talk about anything of the sort" now, I glance to him and flash him a small smile. I really should obey him, but I still have to do what's best for him, so I would skip the obey rule just for a short period of time. I lead him out of the cave and head to a nearby three where is almost impossible for any plane to spot us.

"Please sit here while I go fetch you some food cans" I straight my arm signaling a place which seems comfortable enough. He stares at me arching one of his eyebrows as if asking 'Seriously?' For a few seconds I am able to examine him. He is about 5'4 foot tall and his body is not bulky at all. In fact he is thin and his muscles are no that sharp. He has short raven black hair and mud brown eyes. He always wears a stoic expression and almost all his answers are "Ie" or "I'll take care of it", or at least they were before the war, now, I haven't heard him say them casually. At the beginning, he used to wear a simple white uniform with some golden decors from the shoulder to the neck and also black cloth in the same places. When he lost the Solomon Islands, I think he understood just of what were the Americans capable of. From then on, he changed his white uniform for a black one also with golden decors in the shoulder and also across the torso. I said earlier that he has mud brown eyes, but I've noticed that now they have a crimson tint to them. Also, his gentle personality has completely disappeared, leaving a cold and playful-teasing personality, which is generally interpreted by others as madness. Kiku Honda has changed; this war has forced him to show his cruel side.

Honda-donno finally sits under the three and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I make sure at least one of my comrades is outside and has Honda-donno under watch. I spot Mochizuki Ryousuke cleaning his type 97 sniper with 4X scope and glancing from time to time to the three where Honda-donno is. I catch his gaze and stare into his eyes, making a silent command. Ryuosuke nods and changes his original position to a more comfortable one in case he has to shoot. Satisfied, I make my way into the cave and walk towards Inoue Atsushi, the person who is in charge of rationing the food and sometimes, the ammo. He is also the 'physician' of our team, since he specializes in both poisonous and medical herbs.

"I need the ration of food for Honda-donno" I say simply. Normally, rations should be equal, but since Honda-donno is weaker than any other of us and we were instructed to keep him alive and as healthy as we can, the group has decided to give him a little bit more of what the normal ration has.

Inoue takes out a small rice plate and fills it, then he searches in a nearby box and gets out two cans of tuna. After putting it all on a small plate he hands it to me. I give him a small nod before turning my back to him, but before I can start walking, Inoue grabs the back of my torn jacket. I look back to him and find him holding a little container that looks like a metal cup. I take the container which is hot against my hand and discover that is full of hot water and some herbs are floating in it.

"Why are you giving me this?" I ask, looking to him with a confuse expression. The group never agreed to include a cup of tea in Honda-donno's ration.

"He is weaker today" he gives as explanation and continues to scribble something in his notepad. I stand a few more seconds there, waiting for him to say something else, but I decide to go since he seems so absorbed in whatever he's writing.

I return to where Honda-donno is, and find him licking the palm of his hand. He stops when he notices me and shows me his hand.

"I cut myself" he states simply, with an innocent voice. But I can see in his eyes that he is mocking me "Can you lick it? I did it, but the pain didn't go away" he sounds like a little child, but I know this is not a request I can turn down. If I deny him this, he'll beat me or shoot me in front of everyone, but if I obey him, I'll be humiliated in front of the others. This is punishment for my actions earlier. It might sound a bit extreme to be punished for something as insignificant as what happened earlier, but if this dark version of Kiku Honda wants something, you have to give it to him. As much as I want to keep my pride intact, I can't afford to die now.

"I will, Honda-donno" my answer comes out a bit shaky but my expressions remains stoic. I have to be careful not to let anyone see how I feel about this. I have to make everyone see that this is nothing more than a normal order.

"Good. On your knees" his innocent smile turns into a twisted grin and a small spark appears in his eyes.

I leave the plate and the tea in the ground and kneel before him. Since he is also sitting, we are almost at the same height but that means that I will most likely be forced to look into his eyes. I look at him and catch a glimpse of him licking his lips before he shoves his hand in front of my face. I swallow and open my mouth slowly. Without waiting more, I give the wound a quick lick followed by a harder one. He chuckles and leans even more on the three behind him. I can tell he is pleased but he still wants to humiliate me more. After a few more seconds, he pulls back his hand and gives me one of his wicked smiles.

"Now, onto my food" I begin to stand while I grab the food, as if nothing had happened. I hand him the food and he starts eating the food without saying a thing. I can tell he really is hungry. He stops just to take out his water bottle but I hand him the tea I was given. He hesitates when he sees it but ends up taking a sip of it.

"What is the meaning of this?" he asks rather harshly without looking at me and before taking another sip from it.

"Inoue-san says you need it" well, he didn't said it directly, but that's what he meant and when you are dealing with Honda-donno, it's better if you 'expose your idea' simple and clean.

He doesn´t complains anymore and continues to eat his ration. Once he is finished, he places the empty rice bowl, the cans and the container in the plate and stands up.

"Now, are you willing to tell me what is happening today?" he asks while starting to walk back to the cave.

"We are expecting the arrival of some generals at 0630, but they are already delayed" I answer walking a little bit behind him. I can sense the gazes of my comrades on me. They are probably thinking that I'm disgusting, or, if I have luck, some of them respect me because I am able to humiliate myself and continue living afterwards.

"What time is it?" he leaves the plate near Inoue and goes to the back of the cave where all his things are.

"I believe it is about 0650" I glance back looking for any confirmation of what I have just said. I catch Nakamura-san nodding slightly at me, looking kind of angry. I offer him a small smile before turning back at Honda-donno.

When I turn to him, Japan has already grabbed his Type 99 rifle Arisaka and his katana and was making his way back to where everyone was.

"Any important news?" he demanded, more than ask. All my comrades look up to him and I'm assuming they are trying to recall if anything important has happened.

"We received the letter from the generals from a scout yesterday night at 2145 approximately" Nakamura-san stands up and gets out a small piece of paper and hands it to Honda-donno.

"I said news" he sounded a bit irritated, but he didn't do anything that indicated that he was really mad "Takahashi, Hidaka I want you to patrol our safe path and look for any signs of the generals. If you find them, bring them back. Dismissed" the mention soldiers answer with a 'Hai!' get up and grab their weapons, then they exit the cave and disappear from sight. "Everyone else, continue with your daily duties" with that being said, everyone continues. I notice that Honda-donno inhales deeply and turns his back on everyone.

Honda-donno sits at the entrance of the cave and I follow him. I sit beside him and he doesn't complain. He is watching the scenery in front of us: a beautiful landscape between mountains and filled with threes, untouched by war. He looks up to the sky and stares at it intently, as if wanting to squeeze an answer from it. This is strange. The sick Honda-donno who is fighting this war would not stop just to stare at the sky. It's just something that seems so submissive and timid. I turn to him and stare at his face. His expression does no longer look cold, instead a soft and warm expression occupies his face. Somewhat I feel relieved, making the small flame of hope that I had for the old Honda-donno to return increase. But all of a sudden, a wave of sadness crashes with me and a great weight settles on my back and chest. For a few seconds I feel crushed. My insides are contracting and it feels like my body is being crushed by walls. I cannot scream, although the pain is increasing. I glance at Honda-donno who seems as calm as always, but I can almost see a dark aura around him, filling the atmosphere with sadness and pain.

"Honda-donno, we have cau-uh.. caught a ra-radio signal that says that American planes... have been... have been spott-tted coming from the south" Mochizuki arrives from behind us, his voice comes out difficultly and I'm almost sure that is because of the same thing that's happening to me. Honda-donno turns to him like if nothing was happening and as fast as the pain came, it went away. I breathe again and turn to Mochizuki. I discover that he also seems to be better than before. What was that? Could it have something to do with Honda-donno's change of attitude? Maybe this is just part of the burden he carries with himself all the time.

"Could it be bombers?" I ask to myself, when I calm my heart. I'm almost certain it's another attack of the Americans. I make an attempt to forget what just happened by trying to figure out where will they strike.

"Of course it's another bomber. Mochizuki, stay alert for any other signals our radio might catch" Honda-donno dismisses him and Mochizuki nods and heads to the radio again. He is back to 'war mode' and again, I can notice the twisted spark in his eyes and the madness in his voice.

"Where do you think they will strike?" I ask while staring again at the landscape. Honda-donno closes his eyes and laughs, the whole cavern functioning as a resonator, making his laugh seem even more sinister. When the laughter fades away, we stay in silence for a bit before he answers.

"I don't know, but I'm sure they are near their target" I am surprised to hear that his words are dead serious. All trails that the man was once laughing were gone and now his madness aura has been replaced by that of despair. Now, he resembles an evil coward more than a cruel villain. He opens his eyes again and unconsciously hugs himself. He looks up to the sky and moves his lips, forming words I do not quite understand. From where I am, he looks like he is preparing to die.

Time passes by and without really noticing it. The generals arrive while being escort by Takahashi and Hidaka at about 0720. Without thinking much, I change myself into the skin of Honda-donno's assistant instead of his protector and greet the generals. Everyone goes inside the cave and some soldiers are left outside on watch. Immediately, Honda-donno becomes the cruel general who sacrifices mothers and their babies in order to make a one last stand.

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Now, a little apology: I'm sorry if anyone is disappointed because this story is not narrated from the countries' point of view, but I couldn't bring myself to make Japan or America even more oc than they already are (another apology for that) :P

PD-Reviews are welcome! It'll boost my mood to read one, pleas? XD


	4. Chapter 4

Hello~~ First of all, the name of this chapter has almost nothing to do with the actual thing, but I guess it does have something if you look into it. Now, sorry if you didn't like the way I portrayed Japan last chap, as I said, I suck at keeping personalities even if it's the dark version. Last, I don't really know how Parsons reacted to the bomb so if anyone knows feel free to tell me and I correct it or use other person.

Enjoy!

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**Chapter 4**

**Creator and child**

**William Sterling Parsons**

**Enola Gay**

**August 6****th****, 1945, 7:45 am.**

**Thirty minutes before Little Boy.**

We are finally near our target. Just a few more minutes and we will be all over them. I finished assembling the bomb a while before and now I am taking off the safety devices. No our "Little Boy" is ready to come out and show the world what he is capable of. I better go to my assigned place before we are given the order of dropping it. Just when I sit down and put on my earmuffs, we are called via radio.

"_B-29 Enola Gay_, _here headquarters, answer. Over" _the sound comes out a bit cracked because of the bad signal.

"Here B-29 Enola Gay, what is it headquarters?" answers Tibbets grabbing the microphone.

"_I'll be communicating you with General Alfred F. Jones, he wants to speak to you all. Over" _a sound indicates that the signal has been cut and another sound indicates that someone else is in line.

"_Yo! How is everything goin' up there?_" a loud voice blasted from the speaker, causing the pilot to jump slightly from his sit. I winced a little at the sound and closed my eyes. Is this really the 'I'm-worth-ten-Medals-of-Honor' General?

"Uhhh... we are fine" Tibbets replies calming himself down a little.

"_Great! I assume ya are havin' lotsa fun up there!_" really? We are just about to win this fucking war and that's all he has to say? More importantly, I highly doubt this person is Alfred F. Jones, or even a General.

"Uh, We... we... We are almost arriving" the pilot says clearing his throat before answering.

"_I know that, but you're still minutes away, sooooo... how do you feel about this?" _ok, now I'm officially scared that this mission is in charge of this idiot.

"Awesome! Finally we got to kill some Japs after hours of freezing my ass off" at the mention of these words I turn to stare at the back of the helmet of Tibbets_. _How can he go along with this farce, the person in the radio is obviously not the General behind this whole operation.

"_Well, that's great then! I hope you are ready to bare in your shoulders the heavy weight of having killed many many people and having hurt __**him**_" I hear him chuckle darkly and I'm surprised to notice that his cheerful tone has merged into something more deep and dark. I also noticed the emphasis on the word 'him'.

"No heavy weight, sir. More like relief for the heart" the pilot obviously hasn't caught the anger behind the others comment.

"_So you say"_ is the only response given by the person on the other side of the radio. An awkward silence surrounds us and this time, Tibbets understands the atmosphere. He clears his throat before checking our position and taking the microphone again.

"Uhm, sir? We have made contact with the target" the pilot states with quite a dry voice.

"_Congratulations! The time has come. Line yourselves up" _now there is no hint of happiness in the voice. The only feelings I can sense in the voice are negative ones, like anger, sadness and doubt.

Tibbets lines the Enola Gay in the right direction where we will be flying over while dropping the bomb. I can see from the plane the city beneath us and I glance at "Little Boy" for the last time.

"Done, sir" I suddenly feel really nervous about this. The Enola Gay is advancing toward the target and the bomb will be dropped soon. After that, we'll have very little time to flee.

"_Drop it"_ the final command echoed in the plane. Tibbets already had a hand prepared to push the button and when the command was given, he pushed it.

We heard a thunderous blast behind us and I immediately feel how the temperature is raising. Instinctively, I shot my hands towards my ears and press my earmuffs strongly wanting to mute the sound. But even then, I felt my ears cringed at the sound. My eyes were closed and I suddenly felt like I was going to fell to the ground. I felt like hours passed like that, but I was not really sure about it. I felt the plane leaning a little bit and I guess that now we were safe and we could see what had happened. The turbulence is so much that I am not sure if I am still in place. I open my eyes slowly to face what I have just done. The moment I see though the window, I am shocked. Somehow, my feet have been frozen in place and my body doesn't want o move anything. I see mushroom like cloud, but it's enormous. The cloud is a dark, almost black but it seems like a deep purple and the center is fiery red. The base of it seems like... Hell is the only word to describe it. There is a lot of smoke and I can almost see the fire within it. The cloud is still raising and it is higher than us now. It's like a monster is breaking through the sky, devouring everything. A wave of fear washes through me, followed by a wave of guilt. I start sweating and my breathing is fast. I feel so small witnessing something like this. I feel like I could just die right now and it wouldn't change a thing. My life is worthless. That is the conclusion I make.

"Mission accomplished" the pilot manages to say before throwing the radio, not caring where. "Now, let's get the fuck outta here" my eyes are still glued to the thing in front of me as the Enola Gay makes its way back to our homeland.

Time passes and when I return from the shock, I can no longer see the enormous cloud and I'm just staring at the normal morning sky.

"Hey! Hey! HEY! Parsons, I'm talking to you!" I hear the voice of the pilot and turn to look at him blankly. "Hey, really, what's wrong with you?!" he asks really annoyed. "You have been ignoring the rest of the world for the past hours!" I want to say something, but I feel like my throat is dry and the words are stuck.

"Anyway, aren't you fucking excited that you'll get your Medal of Honor?" I notice he is shining with happiness and joy. "We just won the war for The States back there. Oh, man! I'll become the most important person in The States and now I'll be the one that's worth like ten Medals of Honor!" I open my mouth and I mumble soft no's. I don't know how I look like, but I'm pretty sure I must be behind a cell because of I have just done. The scenery I just saw keeps playing in my head and I can almost imagine how it felt to be under the explosion. An urge to vomit overwhelms me and I can barely keep my stomach set. My eyes want to cry, but I can't because somehow my anger will not allow it.

"What's wrong man? C'mon, let's get home so that you can have your own Medal of Honor" at the mention of this, I shut my mouth. A Medal of Honor? For this? No, no, no, no, NO!

"I DON'T WANT THE FUCKING MEDAL OF HONOR ANYMORE!" I snap at him. I can see how this has surprise him. He tries to say something else but I am faster. "I don't deserve it! NO ONE DESERVES IT! This is nothing to be proud of" my stomach growls and I start feeling nausea again. Thinking about what happen makes me want to cut my hands off, the hands that built that bomb.

"Parsons..." I stare at him, trying to burn holes into his head. He caught this and didn't continue with what he was saying. I am angry. How can he be proud of **THIS**? I already said that the Japs have done terrible things to our soldiers, but nothing like this. This was too much. The ones down there weren't even soldiers, they were innocent civilians that can't be blamed for anything.

"Shut you fucking mouth Tibbets! I already feel like puking my guts out and you're just making it worse!" a dead silence fell on the plane and nobody dares to say something.

I swear I could jump from this plane right now.


	5. Chapter 5

Helloo again :D You may have guessed what happens in this chapter, I just hope the actual chapter doesn't disappoints you.

It took me a long time to finnish typing this and in the end I thought it wasn't exactly as I had imagined but I was satisfied.

Onto the story!

PD-I won't be upadating for a while since my parents decided we were traveling this holydays and I don't have Ny computer with me :( Sorry for the trouble.

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**Chapter 5**

**Hiroshima**

**Yamada Misaki**

**Campsite, Shikoku, Northeast of Muroto, frontier with Tokushima.**

**August 6****th****, 1945, 8:05 am.**

**Ten minutes before Little Boy.**

The meeting has been going on since the arrival of the Generals. It isn't much time, but I don't really know what's there to talk about. Since _Tetsu no Ame, _I think everybody knew we were going to lose this war. I'm sure nobody will admit it (not even I have the courage to say it) but it is likely that deep inside everyone's heart, they know this is not something we can win. Even so, the Generals and Japan himself, know that we have to make our final stand.

"We could use the baby and the mother" suggests one of the generals while crossing his arms. The other generals don't replay and seem to be really thinking about it. In my opinion, using that tactic is one of the cruelest things you could do, but I won't deny that I would apply it if it was necessary.

"It could work. It doesn´t matter how many times we do it, the Americans never expect it" contributes Honda-donno, smiling to himself. He is telling the truth. We have used that technique countless times before and the Americans still fall into the trap. The tactic is simple; you just have to find a mother and her baby, attach a bomb to her baby or wire her and then send them to the Americans. That tactic results in an excellent kamikaze attack that provokes more American casualties than Japanese.

"If we did use that, where will it be?" another general asks.

"I have reliable information that there are still some American camps near Okinawa, maybe we can surprise them there" suggested the first general who spoke. All the generals seemed to be really thinking about it.

I think I understand their problem. Is this even worth it? Is what they are probably thinking. Is killing the future of Japan really worth it? I don't know. A deadly silence falls upon everyone, as they think about the matter. I can feel the tension building up around us. I assume that neither of the generals wants to take the decision. Finally, one of them speaks up.

"This is for Honda-donno to decide" his voice sounds insecure and he is fidgeting nervously, but all the others nod anyway. Well, this is not what I was expecting of the great generals but they are still humans, no matter the rank they have.

Honda-donno doesn´t bother to look to the one who said it and just keeps silent. Everyone is anxiously expecting Honda-donno's answer. Everyone knows that his decision will mean the end of the war. When finally he seems determined, everyone turns to him. He opens his mouth but before any words come out of it, his eyes shot open and a ripping scream escapes his throat. Instantly, I feel a wave of pain crashing with my whole body, leaving horror behind. The scream is cut only for a choking sound to emit. I Honda-donno's hands closing over his neck and his body arching towards the floor. Soon, a blood waterfall emerges from his mouth, staining the rock of the cavern. His gasps and desperate attempts to breath echo in the whole place, as well as the vomit sounds. Adding to the terrifying sounds, groans and contained screams start as he kneels in the floor while hugging his stomach. Everyone watches him with scared and pained expressions. His hands move around his abdomen area desperately, as if looking for something. His neck crunches as he twists it back and to the sides. His eyes look like they will pop out any minute and they move hysterically. A new wave of pain comes as he starts shouting again and falls completely to the floor. I have to do something. I just can't keep on seeing this tortured version of Honda-donno. I'm his protector and it's time to do my job. I regain my posture a little and examined the room. Even with the horrid screams of Honda-donno, I rush over him. The pain grows stronger as I approach him, but I decide to ignore it. When I'm by his side, I place one of my hands in his back.

"Honda-dono, what is happening?" I ask although I know that he probably can´t tell me right now. He focuses his terrified eyes on mine for a brief moment before lowering them again and opens his mouth for another blood waterfall to exit his body. Some of the blood stains my uniform and my hand which is on the floor. He starts coughing and cramps his neck in an effort to raise his head from the floor and get some air. I've got to do something.

"Nakamura-san, get the Generals out of here!" I order looking at each of the men standing in the cave.

"I'll handle this" my voice sounds steady despite what I'm feeling. Nakamura arrives to the part of the cave we are in and does as I say. He politely asks everyone to follow him. Before he goes he turns and looks at me one last time. When he is gone I find myself alone in the cavern with a Honda-dono who is in the floor grunting constantly. I turn my attention to the form of my master. His desperately grabbing a rock trying to impulse himself, he digs his nails into the ground and a single slip causes his nails to separate slightly from his fingers because of the force he is putting. More screams fill the cavern and I see his other hand is pressing hard against his stomach. I rip of my uniform a piece of cloth and carefully help Honda-donno onto his back. His breathing is heavy and he is gripping the ground in an attempt to endure the pain. I gently offer the piece of cloth for him to bite and he takes it immediately. I can still hear him wince constantly.

"Calm down, I'm here. I will help anyway I can, you just have to tell me what to do" I say to him, since I have no idea of what I should do now.

"Honda-dono, tell me what is happening" I'm almost pleading for him to tell me, but his pain has taken over his mind. I send some more time hearing to his cries of help and pain. He still spits blood and soon my uniform is cover with his blood. A while later, his hands start roaming all over his body like if he is searching for something. When they finally stop, the hands press strongly against that especial spot in his lower abdomen. I stare at him don't really understanding anything and I jump a little when I hear Honda-donno's voice forming words and not shouts.

"It's gone..."he says widening his eyes even more. I look at him with a puzzled expression.

"It's gone, it's gone..." he keeps murmuring to himself.

"What is gone?" I ask trying to decipher his words.

"It's gone, gone, gone, it's gone..." he begins raising his volume slowly until he is almost shouting, his voice hoarse from what happened earlier. I know I am near the answer I've been seeking, but I don't know how to make him talk more.

"Honda-donno, pleas, tell me, what's gone?" I insist. Surprisingly, he closes his mouth and the cavern is quiet for the first time since everything started. A sudden feeling of emptiness surrounds us and the horrible words Honda-donno says next.

"Hiroshima, it's gone" his hands continue to press that single spot while looking straight at me. My mind processes the new information slowly. Hiroshima is gone? But that can't be... It's impossible for a whole place to disappear just like that, or is it not? I don't know what to think. If Honda-donno says so, then it must be true, but it's just so hard to believe. But, if Japan says so... He knows his land, he can't be lying. I panic and my whole body starts shaking. Little drops of sweat begin forming in my hand and forehead. Without really thinking it I stand up and exit the cavern and head where everyone is. They all look at me surprised and some of them are about to say something but I don't give them time to speak.

"Check all our connections with Hiroshima. I want any news I can get" all my comrades obey me immediately while the Generals just look at me with quizzical looks. One of the Generals stands up and walks to me.

"What's the meaning of this? What's happening with Honda-san?" he asks me, although he is commanding me to give him an answer. Of course they are wondering the reason of my sudden curiosity. Even here, I can still hear the grunts and moans of pain of Honda-donno that are slightly muffled by the piece of cloth I gave him.

"I think I might have discovered the cause of his pain" my voice is shaking and it sounds weak. I am scared. The General stays quite and returns to his seat. I don't think that he is satisfied but he will have to endure my vagueness a little bit.

After a few minutes, Mochizuki looks up to me from the radio.

"Nothing, I can't catch the signal from Hiroshima" his words scare me even more, but I manage to hide my fear.

"Try contacting other cities. I want anything I can get" I command, my voice sounds determined, but not as strong as I expected it to sound.

"I've been informed that no trains have returned from Hiroshima and that it's impossible to contact with the train station" now it was Inoue who speaks. I stay silent and process all the information. One by one, my comrades inform me that Hiroshima can't be reached, that all communication has been cut. Painfully slowly, I begin connecting dots. Earlier this morning, Mozhizuki said that American bombers had been spotted... **Bombers.**

"Gone... just like he said" I say to myself, gaining all the attention from my comrades and the Generals. I turn around and direct myself towards the cave where Honda-donno is. When I arrive, I notice that Honda-donno is again in his stomach and that he has spit more blood. I kneel beside him and help him raise himself enough so that I can look into his eyes. He is still biting that piece of cloth and I notice that he is about to rip it.

"Please forgive my rudeness, but I need to check something" I lay him carefully in the floor and begin unbuttoning his black coat. When I finish, I turn my attention the place where Japan was pressing earlier. I face a black hole that crosses the entire width of his body. I can see the floor of the caver without difficulties. There is no blood or organs in sight, just burned flesh framing the hole. I can't resist the urge to 'touch' the hole. I place my fingers inside the hole and feel and intense heat and immediately after, an icy cold and emptiness. I yank my hand back and stare horrified at the hole in Honda-donno's body. I hear a shout calling for Inoue, but I don't realize it was from me until he arrives. He stops dry on his tracks when he sees the black hole. He looks at me and for the first time, I'm at a loose of words. He exits the cavern and returns with his medical equipment. He shoves me apart and explains that he needs space. Inoue begins treating the hole immediately and I stay there just in case I'm needed. Time passes by and I can just see that Inoue is struggling a bit with Honda-donno. Also, about an hour after I discovered the hole, he started to cough ashes. He was coughing so hard that Inoue couldn't continue treating him and he didn't know what to do with the coughing. Eventually, it subsided but it isn't entirely gone. Something really big must have happened in Hiroshima for Honda-donno to have reacted like this. Just what have the Americans done?


	6. Chapter 6

****Hi there^^ Today, I have a lot of things to say, so prepare yourself.

First of all, I have to apologize for two things:

1-I'm soooo sorry I couldn't update, as I said in the previous chapter, I went out on holiday and I didn't have a computer with me T-T

2-I wanted to write a longer and better chapter in order to compensate for the long wait, but it just didn't work out and this chapter ended being kinda like a filler :c

Ok, done with the apologies, onto happier themes.

Thank you** tomaso** for reviewing, the criticism you made was exactly what I needed to improve this story. I will try to make the japanese soldiers 'curse' and also thanks for telling me about the term 'Yankee', I wasn't aware of that. Now, I do know about the honorific 'dono', but I figure Japan would want his protectors to add the honorific since he still considers his past very important (if you catch my drift?) I know I haven't explained all this protector thing yet, but the theme is a whole different story.

Having said that, I just hope you enjoy this chapter, even if it's a little bit :/

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**Chapter 6**

**The day after**

**Yamada Misaki**

**Campsite, Shikoku, Northeast of Muroto, frontier with Tokushima.**

**August 7****th****, 1945, 12:40 pm.**

**Two days aprox. before Fat Man.**

Just yesterday, Honda-donno suffered an American attack. A bomber had been detected, but nobody paid attention to it. Now, Honda-donno lies on the cold rock of the cavern coughing blood and wincing from pain. A black hole burned by the edges in his stomach signaling the damaged caused by the Yankees. I am by his side taking care of him. With help from Inoue, I apply the proper medication to the wound. I'm also in charge of feeding him and cleaning him as best as I can. With the few resources we have, I'm afraid I can't do much and I'm scared of what might happen to Honda-donno of he doesn't recover from this.

The Generals who visited us are long gone and nothing was resolved in the meeting. As time goes by, the little hope we had in this war shatters. Right now, the only thing we can do is wait. I am sitting beside the mutilated country preparing medicinal tea. Inoue decided to use a little portion of the medicinal herbs we have in the cave for Honda-donno's treatment. Hopefully he will get better. He still spits blood from time to time, but it is not as bad as the first day. Still, it hurts to see him in this pitiful state.

In the past hour Mochizuki caught a radio signal coming directly from the USA. Their president, Harry S. Truman announced publicly that if we didn't agree to their conditions, we could expect a 'rain of ruin from the air'. Did he mean more bombs? No, surely he won't do it again... Killing so many people at once... will he do it again? I'm not sure. Honestly, I'm terrified of what will happen next. Our Emperor hasn't said a thing in this whole matter lately and only few Japanese know where he is now. Doesn't he care about his country? About his people? I know I can't do a thing about this whole mess, but... It just feels so wrong to only watch. This is affecting everyone; I can sense the inner torture in all my comrades. They are all so engrossed with their duties and avoid speaking with each other. A few hours after Honda-donno's breakdown, Sasaki Meitetsu, the 'tank' of our team cried silently outside of the cave. I think he was trying to hide his feelings so that when he faced us again, he would still remain strong. Now, even Nakamura has stopped talking to me. I don't blame any of my comrades for their behaviors, I myself don't want to talk or socialize in any way with anybody who is not Honda-donno for the moment. As for my master, he has been asleep since he calmed down yesterday, he only wakes up to eat and to spit blood and then wanders back to slumber. I haven't got any rest myself. Whenever I sleep, I get horrible nightmares of Honda-donno screaming, crying, mutilated... Then I see in his eyes the terror and the pain... That is when I wake up. This has happen to me a lot of times, even though it has only been a day. I was tired before it happened and the emotional shock took all the energy I had left. Now it seems impossible to regain it. All I can really do is think, everything else feels so meaningless. That damn Yankee warning keeps repeating itself again and again in my head and I keep wondering what are we going to do? Is this war going to end finally? Is this kind of bomb what is needed to end the war? Millions of questions haunt my mind while I finish preparing the tea. Before I pour the tea in the round container, I leave Honda-donno's side and go to retrieve a piece of cloth which I have been using for cleaning blood. All my comrades are working outside trying to keep themselves busy, I suppose, all of them have grim expressions. I talk to nobody and when I have the piece of cloth, I return to the back of the cavern. Finally, I pour the tea in the container and kneel beside my master. Usually after drinking the tea he coughs blood, that's why I always have the cloth with me when he is to take the 'medicine'. I gently shake his shoulder and he immediately opens his tired eyes, although it's only slightly. I show him the container and he understands. I lift a bit his head so that he won't choke and start pouring the hot tea inside his mouth bit by bit. I can see he has some difficulties swallowing the hot liquid, so I give him more time. He nods every time he is ready to take another sip. After almost an hour, he has finished his tea and now I help him to lie on his side so that the blood won't dirty him. A few seconds pass and he finally coughs, but this time is slightly different from the others. There are intervals where a small amount of blood falls from his mouth like a creek. Choking sounds fill the cavern, but not a single groan of pain is heard. I can still feel some pressure in my chest: the remains of the intense pain that I felt yesterday when Honda-donno was collapsing. The sounds stop and Honda-donno lets himself roll onto his back exhausted. I proceed to clean the blood that is staining his chin and accommodate him in a comfortable position. I call Inoue and he comes immediately carrying his medical equipment. He gets to work right after he arrives and I become his assistant. We basically 'disinfect' the wound and change the old bandages for new ones; it is all we can do. I don't really know if the bandages are helping in any way, but Inoue insists we wrap the wound with them. During the treatment, Honda-donno falls asleep again and minutes after, we are finished. Inoue leaves without saying a word and I am left alone with the remains of my country. This cycle just goes on and on and I have to endure it for the sake of Honda-donno, so that he can recover. I feel like I'm going to fall asleep any second, just like my master, but I resist because I know I will only perturbed my mind more if I do.


	7. Chapter 7

New CHAPTER! Well, this chapter was written while I was in a **really **boring party, so it's basically what my bored and unfocused mind could come up with :P.

A little side note: the remaining chapters of Japan's Trauma are most likely going to be written from the Japanese POV, there is a slight chance of another American POV chapter, but I cannot guarantee it.

Onto the story!

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**Chapter 7**

**The veil he is forced to wear**

**Yamada Misaki**

**Campsite, Shikoku, Northeast of Muroto, frontier with Tokushima.**

**August 8****th****, 1945, 14:30 pm.**

**One day aprox. before Fat Man.**

_There he is again, screaming and groaning. A puddle of blood surrounds his body and he is arching his back. Endless tears fall from his eyes and blood just keeps coming out of his mouth. I can hear not only his screams, but the ones of his people. I can see their ghosts burning in the fire of the bomb. I try to reach them but it doesn't matter what I do, I cannot go near them. Suddenly, Japan's eyes turn to me and I feel like I've been stabbed right through the stomach. My breath leaves me as I feel an intense heat burning my skin. Thousands of coal-black hands reach for me and Japan locks his eyes with mine._

"_Help me" he whispers before the fire overcomes me and all I can perceive is pain._

~0~

My eyes shot open and I launch myself forward. I take deep breaths reassuring myself that I can still breathe and I'm not dead. My heart is beating fast and I feel terrified. This is why I don't want to sleep, but I can't help it. My body shuts itself down, but that doesn't mean that the nightmares will go away. I take a look at Honda-donno who is still sleeping. His face is so pale that it's sickening and his cheeks are a bit sunk. The image of my dream flashes in front of my eyes and I yelp. I seriously need to breathe **real** fresh air. I stand up with some difficulties and head for the entrance of the cave. Some of my comrades spot me while exiting the cave, but I don't really pay attention to them. I direct myself towards a nearby tree and sit under it. The sunlight streams down onto me, warming my body, but burning my skin. The wind is blowing furiously, slightly compensating for the heat. I breath in deeply the aroma of nature and I'm slightly disappointed to scent something else mix in with the fresh perfume the wind is carrying. I cannot identify the other component, but decided that it isn't really important. It's a wonder how this mountains seem so peaceful after all that has happened. I try concentrating on the soundless voice of the mountains in order to relax myself, but images of the nightmare keep haunting my head. It isn't long until I found myself shivering pathetically. Soon after, Nakamura approaches me slowly and sits beside me. He rubs my back in a calming manner and says nothing. Even though I wouldn't usually let him touch me this way, I don't complain at all and let him continue. Silent tears star flowing down my cheeks, tears that carry all my anguish and stress. I continue crying helplessly and Nakamura never leaves my side. Crying silently is really painful. You are not allowed to show your emotions as freely as you would want, but it's better than keeping them bottled. Finally after two days of pure torture, I break down. I thought that I would be fine alone, but having Nakamura by side is the best I could ask for. His soothing hands caress my back keeping me calm and just his presence makes me feel protected. Strange, no one has ever made me feel protected. Comfortable yes, but protected never. After a while of just sitting there sobbing quietly, I decided I must thank him.  
"I thought that you didn't want to talk to me anymore" well, I know that what I just said isn't exactly thanks, but I'm really bad at this stuff.  
"I was just a little shaken, like everyone else" he replies simply, continuing his soothing movement in my back.  
"Right. Thank you, I guess" I look into his eyes to emphasize my gratitude. He just nods and pulls back.  
"Yamada-san, you are strong but not enough to endure all the consequences of the war by yourself" his voice is serious. I know he wants to help me, to take part of my burden, but I cannot offer him that. I separate myself from him and stand up.  
"You can't help me" I state dryly, I have been broken for too much time, now I have to go back to my old self.  
"I will. I can't stand seeing you torturing yourself with internal anguish!" he snaps at me. His shout attracts some unwanted attention from our comrades, but it looks like he couldn't care less.  
"I won't let you destroy yourself!" he states death serious. I can feel goose bumps all over my body. He has never shouted at me like that. I didn't even notice when he stud up. Truth is that I'm a little scared right now, but I quickly recover from the shock.  
"Suck it already! You'll only make it worse!" I shout right at his face. He seems a little taken back, but he is still determined.  
"You are only building more walls. You know you need help" he says more calmly.  
"And what if I am? It's fucking necessary to keep away people like you!" I have to make him understand that he holds no power in this, that this suffering was entrusted only to me.  
"What's so wrong in asking for help?" he stares at me fiercely and grabs my arm. His force is astounding. I swear there is going to be a bruise after this.  
"I don't need you damn help! If I have to die to protect Honda-donno, to complete my job, then so be it" I spit the words with as much force as I can. His eyes widen and he looks as if he is about to hit me and I prepare for the strike, but it never comes.  
"Are you... in love with him?" he face has morphed into one of disgust and he is eyeing me like if I were some strange creature.  
"No, but I guess I should be, after all that he has endured for our sake" I say finally yanking my arm free.  
"I can't believe what you're saying, you are..."  
"What's it to you anyway?" I say before someone approaches us, interrupting our discussion.  
"General Honda has awaken" he says breathlessly, like he has been running for a long time. Awaken? Already? Without really thinking it I run towards the cave almost forgetting about my argument with Nakamura. As soon as I enter I spot the tiny figure of my master sitting at the bottom of the cave. I run up to him and kneel at his side. He doesn't move a bit, it seems like he hasn't noticed me.  
"Honda-donno, how are you feeling?" I ask, but I get no answer. His eyes are focused in some spot, yet they are also staring at noting. I try to get his attention by placing my hand in his shoulder, but just as my hand barely touches him, he reacts and throws himself backwards, away from me. His eyes are filled with terror.  
"Calm down, it's just me, Yamada Misaki" I say while approaching the shaking nation slowly. I feel like I'm treating him like a wounded animal, but as crude as it may sound, he is one right now. His frenetic eyes stop to stare at me and his body relaxes. I take the chance and move up a bit closer.  
"I've been with you for the past ten years" I approach a bit more and notice how he focuses his eyes on mine. A tiny spark of light appears in them, indicating that he has recognized me.  
"Yamada-kun?" his voice is barely audible and incredibly dry.  
"Yes, I'm here. How do you feel?" I ask again backing away slightly so that he doesn't feel trapped.  
"I feel like my stomach has been ripped out." he replies simply, while he leans against the hard rock wall of the cavern "and I don't feel pain".  
His statement shocks everybody who is near. How could he not feel pain? He has a fucking hole that cuts through his body width!  
"Seriously?" asks Inoue who has just arrived after hearing Honda-donno speak. The nation just nods.  
"Then, can I check how's the wound doing?" asks the doctor, getting his medical equipment ready. Honda-donno nods again and begins stripping his shirt in front of everyone.  
I react just before his wound is visible and force everybody out of the cave, except for Inoue, obviously. The medic begins to work as soon as everybody's out. He is in a pitiful state. He is very thin and his skin has a sickening color. I can clearly see his ribs and if I really concentrate, I can notice strange 'scars' which start in his shoulders and travel down his back. They are the type of scars that are left after a burning yourself, but they aren't really visible. I stare into my master and my eyes get stuck when my gaze encounters the black hole. Inoue inspects it begins making some kind of 'potion' with multiple herbs he has. After applying it, he continues to bandage the hole again. Honda-donno doesn't complains and soon he begins putting his shirt on again. Somehow this doesn't feel right. This isn't the dark Honda-donno from before, but neither is this the usual nation. Being around him makes me uncomfortable, it's like I'm being pressured for an unknown reason. Then again, I'm forced to see the consequences of the war mirrored in Japan himself.

"I'm hungry" the silence is broken by the hollow voice that resonates in the entire cavern. Inoue packs his equipment again and directs himself towards his usual spot.

I just bow slightly and excuse myself so that I can go get the food. When I arrive to Inoue's side I catch a glimpse of Nakamura, who is outside the cave. He notices and locks gazes with me. I manage to see in his eyes a mix of disgust and comprehension before he turns his back to me. I'm snapped back to reality when Inoue hands me the food and I am forced to take it to my master. When I come closer to the nation I feel that bothersome atmosphere and wish for the millionth time for his recovery.

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**Authors Note: **There will be **no** romance between Misaki (Yamada) and Nakamura or Japan. As hot as I made it sound, there is no intention. I could make it so that Nakamura develops some sort o feelings towards Misaki, but I highly doubt that it will turn that way.


	8. Chapter 8

Hi Guys! Guess what? I'm not dead :D Ok, here's the new chapter and although it is short I think it came out pretty well, hope you like it.

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**Chapter 8**

**Nagasaki**

**Yamada Misaki**

**Campsite, Shikoku, Northeast of Muroto, frontier with Tokushima.**

**August 9****th****, 1945, 10:00 am.**

**One hour and one minute before Fat Man.**

Honda-donno's rate of recovery has increased since he awaken yesterday, even Inoue is surprised. Inoue checks him every two hours and he has increased the amount of medicinal tea that Honda-donno must drink. My master only nods when he is tell to do something and complies with everything Inoue says. It has been easier to take care of him since he is conscious and it isn't as tiring as it was before, but I don't like this. The empty feeling I get every time I go near him... I don't know how to describe it; it's almost as if he wasn't there, like he doesn't exist. Whenever I look at him, I see and empty shell. No more... I don't like it. Even though he is recovering, I can't find a reason strong enough to be happy. He is a country for god's sake! My country! The ripping pain that travels through my body every time I think of what will happen to Japan in the future if Honda-donno continues being hollow is slowly destroying me. The little time I spend sleeping when my body shuts itself down is plagued with nightmares that had only gotten worse.

I am waiting outside the cavern while Inoue checks Honda-donno for the third time today. He no longer needs my assistance, nor does Honda-donno since the only thing he does is eat or go to the bathroom. Thus, I feel useless, even more than before. I look up to the sky... I wonder when the end is coming. Will I die before everything is over? I certainly hope so. Funny thing is, I can't kill myself. It's not like I've tried to, but the idea is just... I don't know, I just can't really process it. I suddenly have the urge to cry, but I can't let a single tear escape. The war is still on and I'm still Honda-donno's assistant. I have to resist a little bit more. I try to shove away my thoughts and decide that I might as well eat my ration for today. I stand up and turn to return to the cavern. It looks like Inoue is done with Honda-donno, since he is already back in his usual spot, writing something in his little notepad like always. As I approach the physician I began feeling some sort of awkwardness and fear in the atmosphere. He looks up to me and I catch a glimpse of worry in the back of his eyes.

"He is clutching his stomach again" he says dryly, although I know he actually do cares "not on the same spot".

My breath hitches. Could this possibly be another sign? A million of images flash through my mind and I can feel myself nearing the edge of sanity. I breathe deeply to calm myself and it seems to have somehow worked. Am I really this crazy? It doesn't matter right now, sane or not, I have to keep going. I let Inoue know that I heard him by nodding. I close my eyes for a moment to come to terms with my mind and emotions right now, but before I open them again to ask for my ration, I clearly hear a ripping scream cutting through the air of the cavern. That was Honda-donno. My eyes shot open and I instantly run to the back of the cave. I found my master curled into s ball against the wall, shouting and groaning. Like the first time, blood cascades from his mouth and the puddle of crimson liquid starts forming. Again, the pain pressures me and I find it difficult to breathe. Everything is so similar and I understand of exactly what are the Yankees capable of. My body isn't obeying me! I can't move! I feel my whole body shaking again. Somehow, I feel a lot more intimidated this time than 2 days ago. The next minutes feel extremely surreal. All the blood, the screams, the pain... It's too much to be real... But I know it is. Sometimes, reality can surprise you. But everything changes when he suddenly he turns to me. His mouth is soaked in blood, his eyes terrible open and filled with intense torture. He recognizes me and begins crawling slowly towards me. I suddenly feel terrorized by the sight and try to move back, to actually escape the twisted creature. I take a single step back and freeze again. Before I realize it, he is already clutching to my pants and looking me straight in the eyes.

"Water... give me water!" he says, his voice hoarse from before "Water, water, water, water" he keeps repeating the word like some kind of prayer.

I turn around and discover my comrades behind me. I look desperately at Nakamura, making a silent request. He snaps back to reality and approaches us with a water bottle. Honda-donno turns to look at him and snatchs the bottle away. He rises himself a bit from the floor and opens the bottle. He then empties the liquid all over himself and sighs before shouting again. Tears begin to flow down his cheeks and he starts scraping his face.

"Not enough, not enough. I need more water, water, water!" he keeps shouting.

Neither my comrades nor I know what to do. Honda-donno curls himself again and clutches his stomach with even more force.

"It burns, it burns, it BURNS!" his last shout stuns me and everything begins to move. My chest constricts with the pain and I'm out of breath. I cannot see clearly.

I see lots of bloody blurred images before everything went pitch black.

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Sooo, how was it? I hope you are sensing how Misaki is becoming weaker in every chapter.

Anyway, I was hoping you would take five minutes of your time A) reviewing and B) watching my first YouTube video, it isn't Hetalia related. It's a MMD vid, so if you like Vocaloid or can at leat tolerate it here is the link: watch?v=40-_6KnuBGo


	9. Chapter 9

Hello there :) I present to you another chapter. I have no idea why is the chapter named this way, but oh well. This might feel like a filler, but trust me, it mentions really important stuff!

Enjoy!

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**Chapter 9**

**Shall we...?**

**Yamada Misaki**

**Campsite, Shikoku, Northeast of Muroto, frontier with Tokushima.**

**August 9****th****, 1945, 18:30.**

**Five days aprox. before Japan's surrender**

Nakamura woke me up about two hours ago, he explained that everyone blacked out and he was the first one to awaken. When I tried to stand up a terrible headache attacked me and I almost felled again. Now, the headache is gone and I feel slightly light headed. Honda-donno is currently lying against the wall of the cavern, his clothes covered in his own blood unconscious. It seems another hole has appeared near the first one. He is devastated... again; I have to watch him draining slowly. I don't know what to do anymore. What can I do in this isolated campsite? What is it that is needed? I shook my head and to disperse the thoughts. My job is to protect Honda-donno, there is nothing else I need to know.

"Yamada-san, we have received a message" says Mochizuki approaching me. I quickly stand up and let him guide me to the radio.

"The cabinet is having a meeting regarding the Postdam Declaration"

...oh, right, the Allies want Japan to surrender. I almost forgot about the Postdam thing. When Nakamura woke me up, he also explained about the 'treaty' the Allies had sent to Japan. Now, the cabinet is discussing about it again.

I think it should be Honda-donno who decides, or at least, he should be with the cabinet right now. But in his state... maybe it's better to let someone else decide for him.

"We've also received the rumor that the Emperor will be attending a future meeting" he says while reviewing his notes "Do you think we should attend the meetings?" he asks.

"I think... we should discuss it with everyone" I say starting to walk towards the center of the cave. "Gather the ones who are outside" I order and Mochizuki immediately heads outside.

I gather everyone who is inside near the radio and explain the situation. Seconds later, Mochizuki arrives with more of our comrades and finally we are all gathered in the same place. After another quick explanation of the message we've just received, we end up divided into two groups. The ones who think we gain nothing from going to the meeting and the ones who do want to go. Since everyone has the same rank, there is no one apart from Honda-donno who can take decisions and we are all ware of that. If only he was awake, then this will be so much easier and maybe, the war would be solved. After five good minutes of debating I decide to give my opinion. I stand up and almost immediately everyone quiets.

"I believe we, as a soldier team, have nothing to do there, it is Honda-donno who needs to attend the meeting" I pause a second, letting my words sink in "But, he cannot, not in this state. I suggest we let them decide."

Everyone was looking at me. Maybe it's because they thought I would support the idea of going, or maybe because I just exposed how useless we are when it comes to politics.

"But still, we may be just soldiers but this is still about our future" says Meitetsu, standing up to match my height.

"Do you think they will listen to us?" I counter trying for him to see reason, but I doubt he will, since he is so stubborn.

"I agree with Yamada-san, they will not listen to us. Especially not when his Grace is coming" says Inoue standing up next to me. I never thought Inoue will agree with me since he is always distant and tends to avoid me. At the mention of the Emperor, everyone quiets and they tense visibly.

"His Grace is coming?" asks Nakamura wide eyed. Many others mimic his expression and look at Inoue with curious, yet impressed eyes.

"Indeed. He is coming" I answer still looking into Meitetsu's eyes "Another reason why we shouldn't go" I state strongly.

I can sense that no one is sure anymore. It's better this way. In this situation, it doesn't matter if it's about our own future. The only one who has the right to completely decide is Honda-donno.

Just as I am about to sit down again, I notice the surprised faces that my comrades are giving me. One second later, I feel a light hand grabbing my shoulder. I jump a little and turn to look at the persons to who the hand belongs. I am shocked to see the gaunt face of Honda-donno in front of mine. My eyes meet the dark and hollow eyes of the country who is breathing heavily.

"Honda-donno, what are you doing?" my mody automatically moves and soon, I am by his side, preventing his weak body from collapsing.

"We... are g-going" he whispers. His throat must be so dry that he can't speak well.

"Huh? But Honda-donno, you can barely move!" I say to him, more like warn him. I turn to Inoue who is still standing and order him to bring some tea. I slowly sit down again, still supporting Honda-donno.

"We are going" he repeats, straining his voice a little. Inoue returns and hands him the metal container with warm tea.

"But... it will be suicidal if you were to ravel in your state" I keep trying to convince his to change his mind, but he seems like he is not listening.

"I need to see him... I need to see Hirohito" he pleaded while clinging to my arm. I could almost feel the desperation in his voice. I could no longer find arguments to deny my master. The Emperor is the other person who knows about Honda-donno being Japan. If my master wants to talk to his Grace so desperately, then it must be really important.

I let out a sigh and stand up, but not before making sure Honda-donno is lying against something. I walk towards the entrance of the cave and look up to the darkening sky. Maybe if we leave immediately, we will arrive at midnight. I return where everyone is and breath in deeply.

"Pick your stuff, we will leave in half an hour" I announce.

Everyone stands up and bows slightly before going to their posts to start packing their things. I return to Honda-donno and found him looking at the entrance of the cave. He seems to be in deep thought, so I better not bother him. I head to the back of the cave and star packing my stuff. I will then pack Honda-donno's things.

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Ok, there have it! Please review, it really helps me to improve. Also, if anyone of you know the exact location where the meeting took place, it will be appreciated if you tell me.


	10. Chapter 10

Umm... Hi? I apologise for not updating . I know it has been a month or more, but stuff happened and I couldn't write and also I got a major writers block and the list goes on... Sooo, I wrote a chapter which is very important, it may be short but I felt that it couldn't be larger because it will lose its meaning, so... yeah, sounds lame even for me :p

Also, thank you all, beautiful reviewers for telling me if you are liking the story and what can I do to improve it. I apologise for the grammar and orthographic mistakes there may be, since I don't have a proof reader or anything of the sorts, I can't correct all the mistakes, but I do my best to correct the majority.

Thank you again **tomaso** for pointing out my stupid mistake of misspelling 'Potsdam' and the typing errors. Also, when I asked for the location where the meeting took place, I meant the Suzuki cabinet meeting in Japan, but thanks for answering anyway :)

Please enjoy the chapter!

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**Chapter 10**

**The Emperor**

**Yamada Misaki**

**Meeting place, secret location**

**August 10****th****, 1945, 00:10 am.**

**Five days before Japan's surrender**

We have arrived to the meeting place. I recognize all of the faces that are now discussing about the Potsdam Declaration. Among them all, I pay special attention to Korechika Anami, the War Minister, and Suzuki Kantar**ō, **the Prime Minister. Suzuki is currently exposing the four conditions against surrender, which seemed to have been proposed by Anami according to what other generals say. However, Honda-donno isn't paying attention. He seems desperate and has been looking towards his Highness since we arrived. Finally, the four conditions have been exposed, but before Anami could address the Emperor, Hiranuma Kiichir**ō **spoke. He exposes many arguments, most of them based on internal problems, that suggest that surrendering is the best option.

Now, the cabinet is divided into two different postures. Both, Anami and Kiichir**ō **are preparing to address the Emperor, who has a trouble face. Before anyone can speak, Honda-donno stands up, facing the Emperor. Contrary to what he looked like while traveling, the Honda-donno now has regained his strength.

"Your Highness, a word with you" commands Japan with a cold dried voice. Anami and Kiichir**ō **look towards Honda-donno and Anami even tells him how disrespectful were his words towards the Emperor, but his Highness quickly shuts the War Minister and orders for everyone to leave the room. Naturally, Honda-donno keeps me in the room.

"Speak what you must" says Emperor Hirohito without moving from his spot. His expression has become neutral and his body is rigid.

Contrary to all my expectations, Honda-donno does a pleading bow. He arcs his back so that his forehead is touching the floor.

"Please, stop this war!" my master is shaking again. A horrible feeling fills the room and I have a sudden urge to scream and cry. The Emperor is not really affected and remains silent.

"Pleas, I beg of you...Hirohito" the Emperor reacts to his name and again, the troubled expression surfaces "Your soldiers are dying, the townspeople suffer from hunger, thousands of people died because of those bombs! You cannot continue with this madness!" Honda-donno has raised his body lightly and endless tears flow from his eyes. With one arm, he covers the areas of his body that have been damaged.

The Emperor looks at me and, although I know that I mustn't look the Emperor in the eye, I can't help maintaining eye contact with him. He seems to be looking for an answer, probably for one I don't have. He finally turns back to Honda-donno, relieving me form my nervousness and leaving guilt behind.

"Can I take your word in this? Must I trust your judgement?" asks the Emperor returning to his neutral self. Honda-donno raises his body so that he is sitting on his legs. He is confused and the tears have stopped.

"What do you mean Hirohito?" Japan carefully composes himself again.

"Are you really doing this for the sake of my people? Or are you doing this for you? Aren't you being selfish?" accuses Emperor Hirohito cruelly.

Japan's dumbfounded face turns into anger and without previous warning, my master stands up and grabs the Emperor by the shirt. I'm about to protest and try to control Honda-donno, but for whatever reason, I can't move.

"What do you think you are saying?! Have you forgotten I am Japan itself?! I wouldn't be saying this if the people weren't suffering!" he shouts right in the Emperors face, who is angry but also terribly scared "You think you know what's happening, you think you know what your people need, but, guess what? It is **I** who truly knows what's best" Honda-donno lets go of the Emperor, takes two steps back and breathes in deeply. It somehow seems calculated, maybe it has happened before. Silence follows Honda-donnos actions... The emperor regains his place and tidies himself a bit.

"Stop this war" commands Honda-donno. I know it's an ultimatum. I know this is what Japan has been suffering for; I myself have been witnessing his pain. He speaks the truth, yet the Emperor doesn't believe him.

"I'm afraid your vision has been clouded by pain, I cannot trust you with this" declares the Emperor.

"Damn you Hirohito!" screams Honda-donno before storming out of the room. I stand in my place, unable to move until the Emperor looks at me again. I can feel his stare burning holes into my body and the guilt and embarrassment consuming my soul.

"I'm sorry! Please excuse me" I say before leaving the room to look for my master.

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Please don't forget to review, I really want to know what do you think of this chapter.


	11. Advertisement!

**Authors Note:**

**Guys, I'm sorry to tell you that I'll be going on a vacation soon and I won't have internet T-T I know that I haven't updated lately so hopefully, when I return I'll upload two or three more chapters of Japan's trauma and also a Nazi!Germany one-shot that I have been working on. Also, if I get inspire enough to write a lot I might write another one-shot about the protector thing I have constantly mention.**

**Summary, you can expect at least four pieces of writing from me. **

**Thank you for reading and sorry for the trouble. **


	12. Chapter 11

****Hi guys! After a LOT of time, I present you with the next chapter for Japan's Trauma :D I spent a lot of time writing this one and I really liked it. I was planning on updating earlier, but my internet was being a bitch and wouldn't let me load anything.

Also, the Nazi!Germany fic is already up so I would appreciate if you check it :) warning are inside the fic.

I hope you enjoy!

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**Chapter 11**

**Relief?**

**Yamada Misaki**

**Meeting place, secret location**

**August 10****th****, 1945, 2:00 am.**

**Five days before Japan's surrender**

After a lot of time trying to find Honda-donno and finding him sitting outside, I spent even more time trying to convince him of returning to the meeting room. He didn't want to see the Emperor for the time being and he is really angry, but still, it was important for him to be present in the rest of the meeting. I practically drag Honda-donno to the meeting room and take our places. Now, he also refuses to speak to me and is doing his best to ignore the other people in the room. Well, I have to accept that I also try to ignore the Emperor's presence. I feel uncomfortable every time the Emperor glances this way and I have to suppress the angry blush that tries to surface.

Once everyone has regained their places, Anami and Kiichir**ō **stand up and kneel in front of the Emperor, representing both postures of the cabinet. Suzuki takes the lead and approaches de Emperor's side.

"Your Highness, having exposed and debate the postures, it has become clear that only you can and must decide the future. The cabinet requires you to decide between the two postures" states Suzuki before backing away from the Emperor.

The time has come. I feel extremely nervous and I can tell Honda-donno is nervous as well. I hope the Emperor decides what's best for everyone. It still worries me how is Honda-donno going to react after hearing the final decision. The last thing I want is for my master to threaten the Emperor in front of all this people.

My hands start to sweat slightly and I try to calm myself by breathing deeply. I glance at Honda-donno and notice his anxiousness and a glimpse of fear in his eyes. He fears that the Emperor will continue the war. I have the same fear. After several minutes of heavy silence, the Emperor stands up and everybody in the room pays attention to him. I give him all my attention and bow my head slightly to show respect.

"I have given serious thought to the situation prevailing at home and abroad and have concluded that continuing the war can only mean destruction for the nation and prolongation of bloodshed and cruelty in the world. I cannot bear to see my innocent people suffer any longer [...] I swallow my tears and give my sanction to the proposal to accept the Allied proclamation on the basis outlined by the Foreign Minister" states the Emperor with a hard voice before sitting again. By the way he said it, it must have hurt him. But it's only natural, no one likes accepting defeat.

A sigh of relief escapes Honda-donno and one half of the cabinet seems happy two. A small smile appears on my face and I turn to look at my master who seems to be about to cry. I place my hand upon his shoulder and give it a light squeeze. My master turns to me and gives me a look I hadn't seen for a long time.

"Your majesty, you also bear responsibility for this defeat. What apology are you going to make to the heroic spirits of the imperial founder of your house and your other imperial ancestors?" everyone is surprised by Kiichir**ō **as he asks the Emperor the question that he has probably feared the most. By surrendering, he has dishonored, in a way, the very first member of the Imperial House: Emperor Jinmu. If he doesn't apologize, more misfortunes and tragedies will fall upon Japan.

The Emperor refuses to answer and leaves the room looking troubled. Shortly after, the half of the cabinet who wanted to continue the war start arguing and disagreeing with the Emperor, saying he is a traitor and has been brainwashed by the Allies. To my surprise, it is Honda-donno who stands up to the accusations against the Emperor.

"The Emperor has chosen wisely by thinking about his people. Since the day of his birth, he was granted the gift knowledge and strength, do you plan to go against those divine powers? Besides, what do you think you will achieve if this war continues? Do you want to exterminate Japan's people?" shouts Honda-donno angrily. He slowly walks up to Anami, who seems like the leader of 'war' half of the cabinet, although it is obvious that the War Minister doubts his position. Anami counter with a weak argument and backs away from Honda-donno feeling threaten. Suzuki then asks for Honda-donno to stand back and continues to convince the rest of the cabinet to accept the Emperor's will. Eventually, the rest of the cabinet comes to accept the surrender conditions.

It took a long while to convince everybody, but Suzuki, with the help of Honda-donno and Kiichir**ō, **has finally done it. I look out the window and notice for the first time that the sun is already up, but it's still early. Today's sky is so clear... maybe it has always been that way, but... I think it is perfect for today.

After a few other conditions were established, everyone agreed on sending the telegrams to the Allies which said that Japan accepted the Potsdam declaration but will not accept a change in Japan's government. Kiichir**ō **was the one assigned to send them and he started doing it without wasting a second. At that moment, Honda-donno walks up to me and smiles lightly. I receive a lot of messages coming from that smile. It means that he is relieved, that the worst has already past and that he is getting better, but it also means that there is something he still has to do, something that will not let him relax completely if it's not done. What could it be? Maybe he needs to meet with America... I hope that's not the case. If they meet, the anger will flourish again. Even though I feel troubled, I return the smile and make the silent question. He notices it and waves his hand dismissing my question.

"Don't worry" he says before returning to where Kiichir**ō **is.

No, this doesn't feels quite right, how can he ask me not to worry?

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Please review! I want to hear if you liked or hated this chapter, as well as other things you would like me to correct :)


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